remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
