did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
