I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
