you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
