I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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