so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
