Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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