is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
