U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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