Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
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Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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