I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
