Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
