and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
