Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Text me some of your sweat
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