Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
