having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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