There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
