I could make wine with my vomit
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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