I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
