At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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