white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
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Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave