Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
