I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.