Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
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My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila