I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.