I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Your cock deserves a montage
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
