As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.