She is in my trunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
