would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
