Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
