Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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