we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
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im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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