Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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