I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
