The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
