my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
