K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
