Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
