I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He shit in the fireplace
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
