question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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