We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
