I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
