I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize
