hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
