sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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