OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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