I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
