Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
mondays should just be called national damage control day
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And then he peed in my hair
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