i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
