so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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