I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
