And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
