Quick, to the slutcave!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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