Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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