Your mouth is God's brothel.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
