Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
