I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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