I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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