I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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