eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
