ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
