Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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