atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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