who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
