Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
