Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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