I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
