We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
