He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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