If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
