she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I stole a fireplace last night.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
