I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
