video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Found the puke drawer
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
