2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
