Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
