If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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