I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
