hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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