just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize