I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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