4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
