I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize